The Sawyer Family: The Sawyer Family

Gretchen Grace Sawyer was born on Wednesday, May 11th, 2011 at 12:32 AM (I was measuring 40 weeks, 6 days pregnant at this time). She weighed 9 pounds, 4 ounces and measured 21 and 1/2 inches tall. Labor started at 3:00 AM on Tuesday, May 10th, 2011 with light contractions. Throughout the morning they steadily increased until they were measuring 4-6 minutes apart. We called our doctor's after hours answering service and asked them to page our OB. She called us shortly after and told us that we should head to the hospital (since it was morning rush hour).

I wasn't admitted right away, but hooked up to a monitor to watch Gretchen's heart rate, my heart rate, and the contractions. I was also given a cervical check and was measuring at 3 cm. They gave me two hours to walk around and try to develop stronger contractions. I could tell that they were becoming consistently stronger, but when they checked me two hours later I was still only measuring at 3 cm, so they sent me home.

The entire car ride home was miserable. I knew that I should have stayed at the hospital, but didn't want to overreact (always trust your gut instinct). When we got home I tried to get comfortable, but was not able to find any position that helped. I had to lean and rock on Nate a lot, and if he hadn't been there with me I probably would have passed out. He was wonderful throughout the entire labor (let alone, pregnancy), and I felt even more blessed than I ever had before. Around 12:45 PM I had Nate call the doctor again, because I really felt like things had sped up. They asked us to come to their facility (instead of the hospital's) to check me out.

We rushed there for our 1:15 PM appointment and saw one of the nurse practitioners that we've worked with before. She's a really sweet woman that makes you feel completely comfortable. They did a cervical check and I was measuring at 4-5 cm. She had an OB come in and verify, because she doesn't deliver babies, and the OB confirmed and they sent me to the hospital right away.

When we got there I was admitted immediately and sent to the room I would give birth in. I was hooked up to an IV (after a few failed attempts and blown out veins) and the excitement started. I went into this entire situation with the mindset that I would avoid drugs at all costs. However, it all changed as the contractions became stronger, closer together, and I grew more tired. I decided to try laboring in the tub for a while, and chose to have a dose of Nubain to take the edge off of the intense contractions I was feeling.

Nubain worked, but it wasn't really doing what I had imagined it would. The tub was relaxing and I enjoyed it a lot. I would possibly consider a water birth in the future, if I was given that opportunity. After about three hours in the tub and plenty of monitoring (they use a doppler to test the baby's reaction to the contractions and make sure she's still doing well while you're contracting), I decided to step out and get back into the bed. When I went back to the bed, I measured at 6 cm, so I was really proud that I'd progressed that far on my own. The doctor then broke my water since it hadn't broken on its own (it was uncomfortable -- more so that it was a warm wet feeling, but not painful).

However, at that point I really couldn't handle the contractions anymore (especially since the Nubain had worn off and the relaxation of the warm tub water was no longer available), so I talked with Nate and we decided that I'd get an epidural (after considering another dose of Nubain). I'm so thankful that I chose the epidural, because it took all of the pain away (after a failed attempt, of course) and I was able to rest up before it was time to push. They checked me again after about an hour or so with the epidural and I had progressed to 8 cm. My body was doing what it was supposed to be doing and I was so proud (as silly as that sounds).

Eventually, around 12:00 AM, they measured me again and I had progressed to 10 cm and was 100% effaced (I think I had been 100% effaced for a while, but I can't remember). It was time, but of course the doctors were unavailable, because they were performing an emergency c-section and were short staffed. You can't just tell a woman that she's ready to push, but then ask her not to. Talk about psychological mind games.

Once the doctors were ready, everyone came in and prepared for the birth. I was starting to freak out, because I hadn't really thought this far into the entire situation. I guess I forgot that I would eventually have to push this little girl out, and that scared me. I started doubting myself and my ability to give birth, because I struggle with my insecurities and have been anxious about this pregnancy the entire time. I think it has to do with the fact that I miscarried back in May/June of 2010. It completely takes the innocence out of your pregnancy when something like that happens.

Two doctors and a nurse assisted in the delivery. It was a really intimate setting in my hospital room where I had been all day. Nate was part of the process and held one of my legs while the nurse held my other. It was really hard to know when to push, because the epidural had completely tuned out my contractions. However, I still could feel my legs and lower body, but not the comfort, so I could still feel in that sense.

I pushed for a matter of 15 minutes and Gretchen was born into this world. She cried loudly and definitely let us know that her lungs worked. She was taken immediately from me and Nate was not able to cut the cord at that time. The reason being she had passed her first Meconium (bowel movement) in the womb (they found this out when they broke my water), and so the NICU team had to test her immediately to make sure there wasn't any ingestion of the Meconium into her lungs. All was well, despite a little bit of jaundice. Gretchen was doing well with her dad by her side.

I, however, was bleeding heavily and torn. I ended up having an episiotomy, because Gretchen measured so large. The doctors stitched me up for 40 minutes and I ended up with two third degree tears (one internal and one external). I am still in pain five days later, and it will probably be many more weeks before I'm feeling good again.

The hardest part about having to have surgery immediately after giving birth was not being able to see or hold my baby. I cried and cried while I watched from afar, because I was just so happy and relieved that I had successfully brought this little baby into the world. I spent so many nights worrying about her safety inside of the womb, that I was in disbelief that she was actually here. They were the happiest tears I've ever cried and the weight of worry was lifted from my shoulders.

Eventually they brought my baby over to me and let me hold her while they finished up my surgery. It was a little awkward, because I was in an unnatural position (the bed was tilted at an angle I wasn't comfortable with). It didn't matter, though, because Gretchen was in my arms and Nate was by my side. Our perfect little family with so many exciting things to come.

Later that night they wheeled Gretchen and I (Nate followed by foot) to our hospital room on another floor. We made ourselves at home and kept Gretchen with us all night instead of sending her to the nursery. At this point we had been up for over a day and were very tired, but happy, excited, and filled with adrenaline all at the same time.

Since I hadn't prepared myself mentally or emotionally for the pain that I was in, I was having a difficult time accepting that I couldn't just jump out of bed and help Nate with Gretchen. I still find it challenging, but I'm trying to do more, although I shouldn't push myself too hard in fear that I'll actually relapse instead of move forward with my recovery.

The only really challenging issue we've faced was breastfeeding. I almost threw in the towel on night one, but I don't think the lack of sleep and my emotions really helped the situation. I don't want to give up, though, and I won't. Gretchen deserves the best, and in my mind the best is me breastfeeding her. As the days went on in the hospital (we were there from Tuesday until Friday), I found myself growing more frustrated with the challenge of breastfeeding. Fortunately, though, we did find some helpful nurses and lactation consultants that worked vigorously with us in order for us to successfully feed Gretchen. I find that now that we're home, I'm able to breastfeed Gretchen more comfortably and I am more confident in doing so. It's our special mother/daughter time, and I value each and every second of it.

Nate gave me a special mother/daughter necklace and bought me flowers, which was such a wonderful and greatly appreciated surprise. He has been nothing short of fantastic and incredibly supportive throughout the entire pregnancy and birth experience. He'll do anything I ask of him and would drop anything to help. He loves his daughter more than words can express and the look he has in his eyes when holding her is so precious. It melts my heart and makes me feel so good to know that Nate is not only a wonderful husband to me, but a loving and nurturing father to his baby girl. One couldn't ask for more in this situation.

Our families came to visit, along with some friends and it was a very nice experience to be able to show off our baby girl (aka, our pride and joy). We were discharged on Friday afternoon (both mom and Gretchen) and headed home. I was wheeled out with Gretchen held tightly in my arms where the car was parked right outside the front doors to the hospital. Funny thing, though, is that Nate forgot to turn off the headlights and the battery ended up dying. So, there we sat with our new baby and I in the car while Nate tried to find someone to jump the battery. Fortunately, the hospital had their staff help us and we were on our way. We think this will be a funny story to share with Gretchen when she's older.

Life at home has been so enjoyable. Of course, it's challenging when you're faced with something new, but we're doing really well working as a team (all three of us). The animals have also adapted nicely, although I think they're a tad bit confused. Our parents and family have visited us multiple times, which is nice, because it's that extra support we need. Having our loved ones around is so helpful and I'm happy that they are willing to make the drive to come and see us. They are very proud of their new granddaughter and love her unconditionally already.

The rest of this blog is meant to follow up on Gretchen's life throughout the weeks. I hope to update weekly and keep everyone involved through pictures and stories. We'll also talk about our lives as a family and what is going on. I hope that you enjoy reading our blog and decide to follow along.

Nate bought me flowers and a beautiful necklace for giving birth: